THE WEST WING
6x5 - “THE HUBBERT PEAK”
WRITTEN BY PETER NOAH
DIRECTED BY JULIE HÉBERT
Transcribed by Walking, Talking, And Yelling At Clouds
(kegofglory.blogspot.com)
Link to my blog post on this episode.
TEASER
THE HUBBERT PEAK
FADE IN: EXT. - CAR DEALERSHIP – DAY
JOSH is standing next to a Toyota Prius, examining the front of the car.
SALESMAN
Thinking about a Prius? Great car.
JOSH
Hybrid. Wave of the future.
SALESMAN
Well, the future’s here. There’s a waiting list.
JOSH (looking at the window sticker)
Sixty miles a gallon?
SALESMAN
In the city. Fifty-one highway.
JOSH
Isn’t that - ?
SALESMAN
Backwards. Yeah. Electrical battery recharges every time you hit the brake. Perfect for DC, car that loves gridlock.
JOSH
Like Congress.
JOSH starts to walk around the car, looking at it.
SALESMAN
And with gas prices at an all-time high -
JOSH
They’re not. Actually. The, record high was in ‘81. Adjusted for inflation gas was $2.80 a gallon in today’s money.
SALESMAN
Okay. Heh.
JOSH
In the 50s prices were equivalent to what they are now, little more even, but per capita real income was less than half what it is today. Cost your parents twice as much at the pump as what you pay. (JOSH looks at the SALESMAN) Uhh, grandparents, in your case.
SALESMAN
You’re really up on your, uh -
JOSH
I work at the White House.
SALESMAN
Great statement for a government official: drive the car that reduces our dependence on OPEC.
JOSH
Yeah, it’s foreign made, the symbolism’s kind of a wash.
JOSH is back to the side with the window sticker.
JOSH
3500 over sticker?
SALESMAN
Some dealers? Gettin’ 10,000 over.
JOSH
So I should just be happy you’re gouging me less?
SALESMAN
It’s a popular package.
JOSH
How many on your waiting list?
SALESMAN
Uh, 700.
JOSH
Whoa! How long?
SALESMAN
Eight months. Wanna take a test drive?
JOSH
No, I’m just … you know …
JOSH’S attention is pulled towards a large red SUV.
JOSH
Can I drive that?
CUT TO: Dealership staff getting the SUV ready for a test drive. JOSH notices a family getting ready to drive off in their new Prius, and walks up to them.
JOSH
Prius. Congratulations.
FATHER
Thanks.
JOSH
It’s a long wait, huh?
FATHER
Oh, worth it. Individuals need to take responsibility. The government won’t do anything about improving mileage, it’s so deep in the pockets of the oil and car companies.
JOSH
Yeah, Congress is a nightmare.
FATHER
Well, Bartlet’s done squat.
SALESMAN
Mr. Lyman!
The SALESMAN is next to the SUV, pulled out of its display spot and ready to go.
SALESMAN
All set.
JOSH and the FATHER exchange a look, as JOSH walks over to the SUV.
JOSH
All right! Thank you.
JOSH climbs into the driver’s seat and pulls the door shut, as the SALESMAN gets in the other side.
JOSH
I know I sound like a dork but - this is way cool.
SALESMAN
Yeah, it’s a lot of machine.
JOSH adjusts the mirrors and starts the engine.
SALESMAN
All right, so, uh, easy out of the lot.
JOSH
Not like I’m off-roading in Baja?
SALESMAN
Not on the lot.
JOSH steps on the gas and the SUV jerks forward, nearly hitting a concrete planter.
JOSH
Whoa.
SALESMAN
It’s, a lot of machine.
JOSH’S cell phone rings. He answers it.
JOSH
Yeah?
DONNA (at her desk, sitting in her wheelchair and eating a yogurt)
Hey, McNaughton at the D triple C needs you right away.
JOSH (backing up the SUV)
You should see this thing I’m driving. It’s a monster.
DONNA
What?
JOSH
My testosterone is flying.
DONNA
Try not to get any on anyone.
JOSH
Uh … (looks at the SALESMAN) I’ll put my hands-free thing in.
JOSH is trying to get his cell phone arranged, pulling something out of his back pocket as the SUV moves forward.
DONNA
What?
The girl from the family in the Prius walks in front of the SUV.
SALESMAN
Look out!
JOSH
Whoa!
JOSH spins the wheel to avoid the girl, and the SUV smashes into the new Prius.
DONNA
Josh? Are you all right?
JOSH
Tell McNaughton I may be a while.
JOSH sticks his head out of the SUV’s window, looking at the FATHER comforting his frightened daughter.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER.
***
ACT ONE
FADE IN: INT. - MURAL ROOM – DAY
CJ is finishing up a meeting with a group of Japanese officials.
CJ
Thank you again.
CJ shakes hands with one of the officials and walks out of the room into the hallway, where she meets JOSH. They continue through the communications bullpen and into the foyer, finally splitting up in a hallway.
CJ
Good morning.
JOSH
Hey. How was your weekend?
CJ
What weekend? Oh, you mean that two-day period with a giant mountain of briefing material invades your domicile instead of your office, finally and completely obliterating whatever desperate and pathetic distinction you’ve labored mightily and yet foolishly to try and maintain?
JOSH
At least you could do it in your jammies.
CJ
You’re picturing that, aren’t you?
JOSH
Little bit.
CJ
And you?
JOSH
I don’t wear jammies.
CJ
Your weekend.
JOSH
You know … boring.
CJ
You’ve got nothing to report, nothing adventurous or illicit?
JOSH
Boring. Dull, even.
CJ
In your non-jammies.
JOSH
Eh, you’re picturing that, aren’t you?
CJ
Trying furiously not to. Have you seen Toby?
JOSH
He’s briefing, isn’t he?
CJ (sighs)
Okay, then.
CJ heads off in one direction as JOSH heads another way.
JOSH
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. - PRESS BRIEFING ROOM – DAY
We see TOBY on numerous TV monitors as he conducts the briefing, in an uninterested, desultory fashion. Only a few reporters are there. One of them in the back appears to be asleep.
TOBY
I have no information on that at this time. Yep?
STEVE
The CAFE standards amendment raising auto fuel efficiency requirements comes up for House vote today. Will the President sign the omnibus transportation bill without that provision?
TOBY
I can’t speculate on, on, on an amendment that hasn’t been voted for, on a bill that hasn’t passed. Does anybody know where your esteemed confreres might be? (pause) Is it a press holiday of some kind? Heh, H.L. Menckens’ birthday? Anniversary of the expense account?
TOBY looks on amused as one of the reporters gets up and leaves the room.
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY
CJ’s office is crowded with reporters loudly chatting with each other as CJ comes to the door.
CJ
Get out!
The reporters start shouting questions.
CJ
All of you! You cannot be in here! (to MARGARET) Why couldn’t you -?
MARGARET
A human wave, I was overwhelmed.
KATIE
Toby is killing us.
CHARLAYNE
He won’t engage.
CJ
We do not do this, anymore, you really have to leave.
MARK
We get nothing to file, we’re all gonna get fired.
CJ
That’s not gonna be the best argument to make to him, or to me at the moment.
CHARLAYNE
You gotta help us.
CJ
I’ll talk to him, now – and I say this with love, get the hell out of my office.
The reporters slowly begin to disperse as MARGARET brings in more thick binders to CJ to review. KATIE remains behind.
KATIE
Have the rules of engagement been finalized for the Mideast -
CJ
I’m looking for something to hurl at you.
KATIE exits as MARGARET plops the giant binders on CJ’s desk. CJ leans on the stack of binders, despairing.
CUT TO: INT. - WHITE HOUSE HALLWAY – DAY
JOSH and KATE are talking as they walk through the hall. They eventually walk through Josh’s bullpen and then into his office.
JOSH
Mine-sniffing rats?
KATE
The Gambian giant pouched rat. You hit a Prius with an SUV?
JOSH
Connecting my cell phone’s hands-free device. The ironies abound.
KATE
Yeah, verily.
JOSH
What happened to training dogs?
KATE
Dogs get bored.
JOSH
Sniffing for land mines? These are some jaded pooches.
KATE
What kind of SUV?
JOSH
A humongous one.
KATE
Excursion, Expedition, Escalade, what?
JOSH
I don’t know, one of those – I just wanted to drive it. Like a Hummer. Wouldn’t you want to experience that once?
KATE
Yeah, I’ve had the pleasure. It’s less of a giggle when you’re taking automatic weapons fire.
JOSH
I don’t know how we get funding for giant mine-sniffing rats.
KATE
Three of them found 20 live mines in a test in Mozambique. Were the, was the Prius just totaled?
JOSH
Pretty much.
KATE
Isn’t there like a big waiting list?
JOSH
Just got longer.
KATE
This is hilarious, but not actually funny.
JOSH
See, and I’d say since it’s mostly expensive and embarrassing it’s funny, but not actually hilarious.
KATE
You ever hear of the Hubbert peak?
JOSH
Does it have to do with gradations of mirth or are we back on rats of an unusual size?
KATE
Hubbert was a geologist who predicted – pretty much, right on the money – when US oil production would peak and then decline.
JOSH
Did he win something? Weekend in Shreveport, year’s supply of Vaseline?
KATE
Oil supply’s a bell curve. And the worldwide Hubbert peak may have already hit but no one thinks it’s more than 20, 30 years off. Meaning within the lifetime of kids today oil production will plummet.
JOSH
I just wanted to drive a Hummer, once.
KATE
That’s only half the story. I mean, what’s gonna happen when everyone in the developing world has a car?
JOSH
Be a good time to be in the insurance business.
KATE
Glass houses.
JOSH
Huh. Point taken.
KATE
Exploding demand meets plummeting supply. And whether we’ve ever fought one over it up til now, the next war will be about oil. (pause) See ya.
KATE leaves JOSH’S office.
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY
CJ is at her desk studying one of the giant binders. MARGARET enters.
CJ
If you’re coming in here with one more thing to read I will strangle you with my bare hands and enjoy it.
MARGARET
Will’s here.
CJ
I can scrag him, too.
WILL comes in as MARGARET leaves.
WILL
I don’t doubt it.
CJ
So, I’m thinking briefing books on tape for in the car, while you’re jogging -
WILL
You jog?
CJ
Not anymore. The President would like the VP to meet with the NSC on the new nuclear fallout analysis they’re coordinating.
WILL
Absolutely. The focus is evacuation?
CJ
Attribution, post-event forensics, if terrorists know a detonation can be traced they’ll be less likely to attempt it.
WILL
Terrorists being notably responsive to logic and self-interest. Well, almost sounded important there for a minute.
TOBY comes into the office.
TOBY
The House just defeated the CAFE standards amendment.
CJ
Already?
WILL
They limited floor debate to 20 minutes.
CJ
So the car companies won’t have to raise miles per gallon from venti to grande.
TOBY
Actually, it’s the other way around, but something like that, yeah.
CJ
Not unexpected.
WILL
Or entirely unwelcome.
TOBY
Hey, hey, that’s the spirit.
WILL
Dems get credit with enviros for favoring it, but the Vice President doesn’t have to defend it with voters in Michigan.
TOBY
Politics being more important than principle.
WILL
This administration’s had seven years to make better fuel efficiency a priority -
TOBY
Seven years -
WILL
Don’t take your guilt out on me.
TOBY
Seven years of a hostile Congress.
CJ
And a public busy singing “I Want My SUV.”
TOBY
That’s regret, not guilt.
CJ
You don’t have the votes, you don’t have the votes. The art of the possible.
WILL
Exactly what Leo’d say.
TOBY
I’d spend the rest of the week trying to decide if sounding like a dyspeptic 60-year-old is an actual compliment.
WILL smiles and exits.
TOBY
You wanted to see me?
CJ
Where are we on finding a new press secretary?
TOBY
Getting up to speed.
CJ
Time for a turbo boost. No one – and I don’t mean this unkindly – no one is anxious to have you keep briefing.
TOBY
Just curious, but how’d you have put it had you meant it unkindly?
CJ knocks and heads into the Oval Office as TOBY exits.
CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY
CJ enters as CHARLIE stands over BARTLET’S desk.
BARTLET
You’re hovering. (to CJ) He’s hovering. Verging on looming.
CHARLIE
And he’s stalling.
BARTLET
I’m crafting.
CHARLIE
They’re just remarks.
BARTLET
People listening won’t know they’re just remarks. To them, it’ll sound uncannily like a speech. A short speech.
CHARLIE
The prompter guy needed this half an hour ago.
CJ
You’re on your own.
BARTLET
I am the leader of the free world, people pay attention when I speak. The job’s not all waving from the chopper. (handing the remarks back to CHARLIE) Not as good as it might be. It’s all your fault.
CHARLIE
I’m prepared to live with the verdict of history. Thank you, sir.
CJ stops CHARLIE before he leaves.
CJ
Charlie, one sec? Mr. President, I wanted to remind you about the reception in the East Room today.
BARTLET
What?
CJ
The girls’ national field hockey champions. (BARTLET looks at CJ) Sir, you have to be there. Charlie?
CHARLIE
I’ll get him there.
CJ
Thank you.
CHARLIE and CJ turn to leave.
BARTLET
I’m noticing a distinct slackening of awe, a certain lack of trembling in my presence.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
CJ
Yes, Mr. President.
CJ and CHARLIE exit.
CUT TO: INT. - DONNA’S DESK – DAY
DONNA is looking at her computer monitor as JOSH walks up behind her.
DONNA
Josh?
JOSH
What is it?
DONNA
That gossip blog, DistrictScene.
JOSH and DONNA study the computer screen, reading.
JOSH
How did she get this?
DONNA
Someone at the dealer, I guess.
We see a shot of the screen showing the blog, DistrictScene, Blogging For A Progressive America. We can read the following (parts of the page are off-screen):
“Sunday Afternoon – SENIOR WHITE HOUSE STAFFER JOSH LYMAN, while test-driving a large SUV, crashed and demolished a Toyota Hybrid Prius at S() GALLERY, a local D.C. GM car lot. The arrogant, cocky Lyman had () lecturing the auto salesman about how gas prices were not at () high while talking on his cell phone and test driving the large SUV. () Prius was completely damaged beyond operation and Lyman n() the gas guzzling SUV with a young family who had just purchased () environmentally sound Prius. The family was complete in shock () traumatized and Lyman had no excuse for demolishing the hybrid () SUV he had been test-driving. The family had been on a wait () and were visibly upset to have lost their ecologically minded n()”
JOSH
Well, it’s not the end of the world, it’s a … web log, it’s not the Washington Post.
DONNA’s phone rings. She answers.
DONNA
Josh Lyman’s office. Yeah. (she hangs up) CJ’s office. Now.
CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY
JOSH and TOBY are walking toward CJ’s office.
TOBY
You didn’t think it was a story?
JOSH
Well, it’s obviously a story, I just didn’t think it was -
TOBY
Every news organization in this country surfs these blogs now, this’ll be everywhere.
CUT TO: INT. - MARGARET’S DESK – DAY
CJ comes out of her office to meet JOSH and TOBY.
CJ
For God’s sake, what possessed you?
JOSH
I don’t know, I – saw it and was taken over by my reptilian brain stem.
CJ
The press is gonna have a party with this. Conga lines, pinatas …
JOSH
They’ll have fun and be done in a day.
TOBY
Not the week raising CAFE standards goes down in the House with us having barely put up a fight?
CJ, JOSH and TOBY move into CJ’s office.
CJ
I just got a phone call from the Alternative Energy Resources Council threatening to hold a press conference trashing our commitment to conservation citing your little demolition derby as Exhibit A.
JOSH
I’ll call ‘em.
CJ
You’ll do better than that, you’re gonna head up the White House task force on alternative energy.
JOSH
What White House -?
CJ
I one I promised to get them to hold off. I want a meeting today that ends with something announceable, you standing with people in Birkenstocks in front of the press.
JOSH
Birkenstocks …
CJ
And bicycle clips.
JOSH
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. - MARGARET’S DESK – DAY
JOSH and TOBY walk out of CJ’s office.
TOBY
Bicycle clips?
JOSH
For your pants.
JOSH and TOBY stop outside the Roosevelt Room.
TOBY
You got a - ?
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY
Not counting today – today was, a … I don’t know what today was, but the briefings?
JOSH
Yeah, they’re getting better.
TOBY
Good. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being CJ and one being a chimp throwing feces – where do I rank?
JOSH
They’re getting better. I gotta go get my ass kicked.
TOBY
Yeah, me too.
JOSH goes into the Roosevelt Room where a group of congresspeople are waiting, including LACKEY, GLEESON and AUREN.
JOSH
Congressmen – woman …
AUREN
Does this President believe fuel efficiency standards should be raised?
JOSH
We’re dispensing with the small talk.
LACKEY
Answer the question.
JOSH
It’s a shame, ‘cause I’ve been hoarding amusing anecdotes, mordant observations -
GLEESON
This administration’s environmental record is an embarrassment to its party and a betrayal of its supporters. Mordant enough for you?
JOSH
Betrayal, embarrassment, it’s that kind of temperate rhetoric that so endears the green movement to the electorate.
LACKEY
You rolled over.
JOSH
We did the arithmetic. Any increase in CAFE standards wasn’t gonna happen.
LACKEY
Josh, you rolled over.
AUREN
An eight-year-old can count heads, this is supposed to be about leadership.
JOSH
Leaders avoid losing battles. You live to fight another day.
LACKEY
You’re missing the point, Josh. Nobody thought we were gonna win this one. But you’ve made it easy for them.
AUREN
Seat belts, air bags, the first fuel economy standards … the auto industry had to be dragged kicking and screaming into all of them.
GLEESON
They didn’t go out of business. They figured it out.
LACKEY
When the White House doesn’t lead on fuel mileage, opponents get to cast their vote at no cost.
AUREN
We don’t just lose a vote – we lose out on a national debate.
LACKEY
Making it that much harder to win the next vote.
JOSH
This isn’t a poli-sci seminar! We didn’t have the votes. Thank you, all, for your time.
JOSH gets up and leaves the room.
CUT TO: INT. - DEPUTY COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE – DAY
ANNABETH is bringing boxes as she moves into Sam’s/Will’s old office. TOBY comes in the door and sits.
TOBY
Well?
ANNABETH
And a pleasant good morning to you.
TOBY
You found someone?
ANNABETH
I slept extremely well, thank you so much for asking.
TOBY
Well, sleep less, and get us a new press secretary, will you?
ANNABETH
I’m sorry. When you asked me to do this, I didn’t realize you expected me to find someone by the first hour of the first morning of my first day.
TOBY
The sooner you get someone the sooner I can stop doing the briefings.
ANNABETH
I told you, your doing them for a while is a good thing.
TOBY
Well, I’m glad someone doesn’t think they’re a total train wreck.
ANNABETH
Oh, no. They’re horrible. But I can help you.
TOBY
Help me by doing the job you were hired for, and find us a new press secretary.
TOBY walks away.
ANNABETH
Settling in just fine … but the muffin basket, the flowers, it’s too much.
CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S BULLPEN – DAY
JOSH
Donna – get some alternative energy spokespeople in here for a meeting right away.
DONNA
You mean to -?
JOSH
Wind, solar, hamsters in wheels, uh, uh, whatever’s out there, today.
DONNA
You have that -
JOSH
Cancel it. This takes priority.
JOSH heads into his office as KATE walks up.
KATE
Hey, Donna.
DONNA (in her wheelchair)
Hey. Was Josh expecting you?
KATE
Actually, I came by to see you. How you doing?
DONNA
Good. I’m good.
KATE
How soon before you’re out of that cast?
DONNA
Soon, I can’t wait.
KATE
I bet. (pause) Look, we don’t – know each other that well, but if you ever want to talk …
DONNA
Thanks, but I -
KATE
I’m sure you’ve spoken to somebody, but I just thought if you ever wanted someone, another woman … I don’t know. Is this completely inappropriate?
DONNA
No, no, it’s fine.
KATE
It’s just, I’ve been around the sort of thing you went through.
DONNA
I appreciate your concern.
KATE
Okay. Well, if you ever want to.
DONNA
I should really get back to …
KATE
Okay.
KATE walks away. DONNA continues to work, but we see her consider something for a moment.
FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE.
* * *
ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE -DAY
MARGARET enters the office carrying a file.
MARGARET
You’re all set for lunch.
CJ
You sure he’s up to it?
MARGARET
He said so.
CJ
He’s not just being polite?
MARGARET
I’m sorry; Leo?
CJ
He has a courtly side.
MARGARET
Not with me.
MARGARET and CJ begin to walk out of the office.
CJ
I don’t want to overtax him.
MARGARET
He would have said. A car will pick up the food, then swing by to take you over to his hotel at 1:00.
CJ
Great.
MARGARET
He asked if you play chess.
CJ
Chess? Not really.
MARGARET
I’ll let him know.
MARGARET turns back as CJ continues down the hall.
CUT TO: INT. - DONNA’S DESK – DAY
We see a image of a webpage as we hear JOSH’s voice. The webpage shows a picture of JOSH looking out of the window of the SUV after he struck the Prius. The caption reads: “Notice the open-mouthed gape of Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman, sitting high above the fray. And he can’t even see the damage.”
JOSH (V.O.)
There’s a picture? (scoffs) You know what, get this blogger woman on the phone.
TOBY (V.O.)
You didn’t think to mention someone had a camera?
The view switches to JOSH and TOBY talking at DONNA’s desk, as DONNA dials the phone.
JOSH
There was no camera.
TOBY
Well, there’s a picture -
JOSH
There was a guy, his wife, and his teenage daughter, that was it.
DONNA
Daughter have a cell phone? (into phone) Josh Lyman’s office calling, please. One moment, please.
DONNA hands the phone to JOSH.
TOBY
I wouldn’t do this.
JOSH (into phone)
This is, uh, Josh Lyman, and this is off the record -
TOBY
She’s not a, journ -
JOSH (into phone)
There may be more disreputable ways to make a living than trafficking in gossip and clandestine photos, but none spring to mind. My and this administration’s environmental bona-fides are well established. To use this incident to imply otherwise is scurrilous, and irresponsible – cheap and easy irony from what I can only surmise is a cheap and shallow person. (pause) I said this was off the record.
TOBY
She’s not a journalist.
JOSH (into phone)
You’re gonna post this?
There is a pause. DONNA notices an update on the webpage.
DONNA
She’s posting it now.
The webpage with the photo of JOSH now has his quote added at the top: “Josh Lyman - ‘There may be more disreputable ways to make a living than trafficking in gossip and clandestine photos, but none springs to mind.’” Immediately the page updates again, adding the quote: “Josh Lyman- ‘My and this adminstration’s enviromental (sic) bona fides are well established.’” And then another: “Josh Lyman - ‘To use this incident to imply otherwise is scurrilous and irresponsible. Cheap and easy irony from what I can only surmise is a cheap and shallow person.’”
JOSH, still holding the phone, looks at the screen, then looks up at TOBY.
CUT TO: INT. - STAIRWELL – DAY
BARTLET and CHARLIE are walking down the stairs accompanied by Secret Service agents.
CHARLIE
He made the sushi?
BARTLET
It’s his hobby.
CHARLIE
And nothing against the ambassador – but I don’t want my raw fish prepared by anyone but a professional.
BARTLET
He said you’re not supposed to use a lot of wasabi. Said it’s considered disrespectful. To the fish.
CHARLIE
Isn’t it pretty much past caring?
BARTLET
And there’s such a thing as sushi being too fresh.
CHARLIE
Not for me.
BARTLET
You need to age the fish.
CHARLIE
Do I want to know why?
BARTLET
So the rigor mortis has time to pass.
CHARLIE
I knew you were gonna ruin it for me.
BARTLET and CHARLIE enter the East Room, where they are greeted by a large group of staffers. A banner reading “Congratulations Charlie.” The staffers cheer and applaud.
ALL
Surprise!
CHARLIE grins happily as BARTLET leads him to the group. JOSH steps up to shake CHARLIE’s hand.
BARTLET
A little bird told me.
BARTLET leads CHARLIE to ZOEY.
ZOEY
Tweet.
BARTLET
Congratulations.
CHARLIE
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET
You know what this means, right?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
Enjoy your party. I think everyone’s blocked off all of eight minutes.
BARTLET walks off. CHARLIE and ZOEY head to the table, being greeted along the way. ZOEY splits off to join her father.
MAN
Way to go, Charlie, congratulations.
CHARLIE
Thanks, man.
CAROL
God, how did you do it?
MARGARET
I don’t even have time to learn how to program my Tivo.
CHARLIE
When it’s the President of the United States who asks if you did your homework, it gets done.
BARTLET (to ZOEY)
I’m glad you told me.
ZOEY
I just hope he is.
BARTLET
I gotta get back to work.
BARTLET gives ZOEY a kiss, then exits with CJ. CHARLIE looks over at ZOEY with appreciation.
CUT TO: INT. - COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN – DAY
TOBY and ANNABETH are walking into the bullpen.
ANNABETH
Totaled a hybrid with an SUV. He’s like an ecoterrorist in reverse.
TOBY
We’ll be sure to point that out to the press.
ANNABETH chuckles as she walks into her office, TOBY following.
ANNABETH
What do you need?
TOBY
Draft a release about the alternative energy summit Josh is holding this afternoon.
ANNABETH
Mm, that’s not gonna work.
TOBY
Which I don’t recall asking!
ANNABETH
No meeting’s gonna counteract the symbolism of that accident, you need to laugh it off. Refer questions to the, Department of Metaphor. Put out a statement from the Undersecretary for Whimsy and Caprice.
TOBY chuckles in disbelief, then heads out of the office.
TOBY
Just draft the release.
ANNABETH (calling after him)
Will you be briefing?
TOBY
I imagine.
As TOBY gets to his desk, he turns to see ANNABETH standing in his doorway.
TOBY
What?
ANNABETH
How do you get women?
TOBY
Excuse me?
ANNABETH
Briefing the press is a seduction. You got a hot ex, how’d you get her?
TOBY
Get out of my office -
ANNABETH
Know what she says?
TOBY
Oh my God, you called Andy -
ANNABETH
Smart and funny. That’s how guys who – no offense – don’t look like Jude Law or Denzel Washington get babes.
TOBY
Are you trying to get fired?
ANNABETH
I’m trying to help you. That Mencken line this morning was funny; no one laughed ‘cause you flung it at them.
ANNABETH walks out of TOBY’s office and back into her own; TOBY follows.
TOBY
Briefing the press isn’t a seduction; it’s war!
ANNABETH
What CJ did for seven years wasn’t combat. It was charm and disarm.
TOBY
Just draft the release.
ANNABETH
Smart and funny; seduce them. Worked on your wife.
TOBY
We’re divorced.
ANNABETH (walking back out of her office)
Living with you is a whole ‘nother ballgame, I get that already.
CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY
CHARLIE is walking down the hall as CJ comes around a corner behind him.
CJ
Charlie -
CHARLIE
Thanks, CJ – for whatever part you played in that back there.
CJ
I just showed up and ate too many corn chips. Leo emailed me something about reminding the President to play chess?
CHARLIE
He and Leo played weekly chess games.
CJ
Okay.
CHARLIE
What did Leo say about it?
CJ
Just to remind him.
CHARLIE
Guess that’s just it, then.
CHARLIE heads off.
CJ
Yeah.
VICE PRESIDENT RUSSELL comes out of a door down the hall.
RUSSELL
CJ -
CJ
Mr. Vice President.
RUSSELL
How are you adjusting to the new job?
CJ
It’s an adjustment.
CJ and RUSSELL begin walking down the hall.
RUSSELL
Oh, I gotta admit I was surprised when I first heard, we all were, but, uh – the more I thought about it, it started making sense.
CJ
Thanks?
RUSSELL
Leo was Leo, no one expects you to be him, but – you’ll find your way.
CJ
I’m finding it, actually.
RUSSELL
I just want you to know that, I’m here to help.
CJ
I appreciate that, sir.
RUSSELL
I look forward to working more closely with you.
CJ
As do I, Mr. Vice President.
RUSSELL
I work well with strong women.
CJ
Good to know.
RUSSELL
My mother, strong woman.
CJ
Well, there you go. If you’ll excuse me …
CJ walks away, with a wry look on her face.
CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
WILL walks in as JOSH is working at his desk.
WILL
This where I might find the puling poster boy for Bartlet’s indifferent energy policy?
JOSH
Hey, I was shopping for a Prius.
WILL
Just performing your own crash test.
JOSH
A joke the blogger missed. Maybe you should shoot her an email.
WILL
You just had the quintessential consumer experience – your head said hybrid, but your heart said SUV.
JOSH
Reptilian brain, is what I’ve been going with.
WILL
It’s not like people want them because they get lousy mileage -
JOSH
It’s the argument for mandating higher mileage standards.
WILL
No one’s saying it’s the wrong argument. (pause) You’ve got a pretty tight relationship with Michael Hirsch, yes?
JOSH
Well, people in show business are charming for a living. I’m one of his, four or five thousand closest buds, yeah.
WILL
Close enough to make a call?
JOSH
For the, Vice President?
WILL
You’re one of the few around here who doesn’t regard him with disdain. Or at least, has the courtesy to hide it.
JOSH
The Hollywood support’s all going to Baker, he’s raised enough money out there to start greenlighting movies.
WILL
Governor Baker hasn’t declared.
JOSH
But he’s – still a frontrunner. I mean, no offense to your guy.
WILL
It’d be great if you’d make a call.
JOSH
Well, let me get back to you.
WILL
Sure.
WILL starts to exit.
JOSH
You know, Hirsch has a hybrid. Typical Hollywood. Drives his Prius right up to his private jet.
WILL smiles and walks away.
CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY
BARTLET and CHARLIE are walking into the Oval Office from the Portico. There is a stack of papers wrapped in a ribbon on the President’s desk.
BARTLET
I’m about to go into a meeting with the Commerce Secretary, a man so soporific one shouldn’t operate heavy machinery in his presence. A meeting that would feel interminable at three minutes is certain to stretch into a soul-annihilating fifty minutes, presenting therefore a perfect opportunity for you to get started on a particular errand pertaining to your post-graduate career.
BARTLET hands the stack of papers to CHARLIE.
BARTLET
Fiderer prepared them, I checked for typos.
CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.
BARTLET
Now, let’s get to work, and (BARTLET indicates the stack of papers in CHARLIE’s hands) fatten up that resume.
CHARLIE
Yes, Mr. President.
BARTLET exits, leaving CHARLIE standing in the Oval Office, taking it in.
CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
DONNA, on crutches, is talking with JOSH.
DONNA
Meeting’s set. Representatives from solar, ethanol, hydrogen, and wind.
JOSH
Copy Toby on the roster.
DONNA
Did you know when we run out of oil it’ll precipitate a global food crisis?
JOSH
Don’t you start.
DONNA
Fossil fuels are key components of fertilizers and pesticides, not to mention the fuel used in farm machinery and for irrigation -
JOSH
Said the woman with the electric wheelchair.
DONNA
I’ve given it up. You’ve inspired me with your profound commitment to renewable energy.
JOSH
You know, the SUV came through without a scratch.
DONNA (exiting)
You’re going to hell.
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY
CJ enters as MARGARET introduces her to GAIL ADDISON.
MARGARET
CJ - this is Gail Addison, from the Office of Administration.
CJ (shaking hands)
Hello.
MARGARET
She’s here about changing over your office.
CJ
To a day spa, I hope.
ADDISON
I don’t know how you prefer to approach your space, if you have a vision or would like to be provided options -
CJ
At the moment, I’d prefer not to think about it.
ADDISON
Then I’m happy to.
CJ
And have you not think about it, either.
ADDISON
I’m sorry?
CJ
I’ll have Margaret call you once I’m more settled in. Thanks.
MARGARET leads ADDISON out of the office.
CUT TO: INT. - WHITE HOUSE FOYER – DAY
JOSH is standing in the foyer, and joins TOBY as he walks by.
JOSH
Baker’s running, right?
TOBY
Yeah. And he’ll have it wrapped up by Super Tuesday.
JOSH
Will asked me to call Mickey Hirsch.
TOBY
He thinks Baker’s not gonna run?
JOSH
The Vice President’d be out there virtually unopposed.
TOBY
President Russell?
JOSH
You worry he’d win, I’d worry he’d lose. A Republican administration - a GOP Congress? They’d dismantle everything we’ve accomplished in eight years.
TOBY
Baker’s gonna run.
JOSH
Yeah.
JOSH and TOBY start to head off in opposite directions. TOBY stops JOSH.
TOBY
Hey, how do you get women?
JOSH
Huh?
TOBY
Smart and funny? Right?
JOSH
Plus I got that, you know, boyish thing.
TOBY
I don’t have that.
JOSH
Yeah.
TOBY sighs.
JOSH
Okay.
JOSH heads off. TOBY watches a woman walk by, smiles and chuckles to himself, then nearly drops some papers as he walks away.
FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO.
* * *
ACT THREE
FADE IN: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY
BARTLET and CJ are seated, having a discussion. BARTLET is taking notes on a legal pad.
CJ
… and the IRS is stepping up their look into non-profits; more and more charities are playing loosely with contributions.
BARTLET
Blessings for the not-so-unfortunate. What else?
CJ
The CAFE standards amendment went down.
BARTLET
(Pause) That was fast.
CJ
Floor debate was limited to 20 minutes.
BARTLET
Those guys take longer than that to decide what to order for take-out.
CJ
Quick reconciliation, a bill to sign by Wednesday.
BARTLET
Yeah.
CJ
Oh, and Josh hit a Prius with a Land Cruiser or something – we’re handling it.
BARTLET
We done?
CJ
Yes, sir, thank you, Mr. President.
They both rise, but as CJ starts out she stops.
CJ
Oh, sir, I’m sorry, Leo mentioned to remind you to play chess?
BARTLET
Please tell Leo when he’s healthy enough to come back and give me a game, I’ll be glad to school him in chess.
CJ
Thank you, sir.
CJ starts out.
CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
JOSH is working at his desk. CHARLIE appears in the doorway.
CHARLIE
Josh? Got a moment?
JOSH
Sure.
CHARLIE
The President and I had an understanding – actually, it was more of an executive order – that once I graduated, I’d look for what he calls, a real job. So I’m handing out resumes.
CHARLIE offers a resume to JOSH, who reaches out to take it.
JOSH
Great.
CHARLIE pulls the resume away from JOSH’s hand.
CHARLIE
That I’d like you to ignore.
JOSH
Okay.
CHARLIE
I don’t want to leave the President. Especially now that he’s without Leo. Not that I compare myself to -
JOSH
I understand. Here, I’ll …
JOSH takes the resume from CHARLIE and puts it in his desk drawer.
JOSH
… put it in a safe place in case you change your mind.
CHARLIE
Thanks.
CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY
TOBY is walking with purpose. As he heads into the Communications bullpen he sees ANNABETH by the copier.
TOBY
The alternative energy release?
ANNABETH hands him a document.
TOBY
So what else? Smart and funny, that’s the sum total of your vaunted expertise?
ANNABETH
You could wear a little makeup.
TOBY (scoffing)
Oh, jeez. That’ll happen.
ANNABETH
You want my help?
ANNABETH follows TOBY into his office.
TOBY
Not if it involves makeup, wardrobe, or, or, alternative facial hair strategies -
ANNABETH
Body language.
TOBY
What about it?
ANNABETH
Projecting comfort and command.
TOBY
I don’t do that?
ANNABETH
One might say.
There is a pause. TOBY closes his suit jacket and gestures around helplessly.
TOBY
So what do I do - ?
ANNABETH
Follow me.
ANNABETH strides out of his office, then waits for TOBY to follow.
ANNABETH
And personally, the way you trim your beard? A little fussy.
TOBY follows ANNABETH out of the bullpen, his hand smoothing his moustache.
CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY
WILL and KATE are conversing as they walk.
KATE
Be happy to brief the Vice President, how often?
WILL
Occasionally, continent at a sitting.
KATE
Well, I assume he’s pretty much got a handle on North America.
WILL
There’s the odd confusion, that’s all, Sudan and Somalia – Iran, Iraq …
KATE
You’re kidding.
WILL
One time.
KATE
Actual confusion or slips of the tongue?
WILL
Well, we won’t presume, for these purposes.
KATE
He knows Pakistan’s the Muslim one and India’s Hindu?
WILL
Of course.
KATE
Just trying to calibrate.
WILL
I wouldn’t bet the farm on Bangladesh.
KATE
Okay -
WILL
And he has a little trouble with the whole Shiite-Sunni thing.
KATE
We should start right away.
WILL
That’s what I’m thinking.
KATE
I’ll come by end of the day.
WILL
Great.
KATE (under her breath as they head off in different directions)
And bring my flash cards.
JOSH encounters KATE outside JOSH’s bullpen.
JOSH
What?
KATE
Nothing.
JOSH
You know why, uh, people buy hybrids – I mean, aside from smugness and moral superiority?
KATE
I mean, I was gonna say, conscience and civic responsibility.
JOSH
‘Cause they think gas prices are too high, you know why they buy SUVs?
KATE
‘Cause they’re not.
JOSH
Record high was in ‘81, adjusted for inflation gas was 2.80 a gallon in today’s money.
KATE
It’s the only way you’ll get real conservation.
JOSH
Hold an economic gun to their head.
KATE
It’s why we should slap a 3-bucks-a-gallon tax on gasoline.
JOSH
Oh, there’s a popular position.
KATE
Wait til gas lines come back, see how popular that’ll be.
JOSH and KATE are now outside the Roosevelt Room. JOSH stops at the door.
JOSH
I’m about to solve the whole problem.
KATE
The alternative energy summit.
JOSH
Children of your villages will sing my name.
CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM – DAY
JOSH enters the room, where TERRY ANDERS, RILEY SHEETS, CORRINE McKENNA, and PAUL TYMINSKI are sitting at the table.
JOSH
I want to – thank you all for coming, particularly on such short notice.
ANDERS
I’ve been waiting to have this meeting for seven years.
JOSH (taking a seat)
Then – let’s get right to making up for lost time. If we could, go around the table -
ANDERS
Terry Anders, the Solar Cell Project.
SHEETS
Riley Sheets, Ethanol Works.
McKENNA
Wind Now, Corinne McKenna.
TYMINSKI
Paul Tyminski, Hydrogen Caucus, and I’ve been waiting a while for this – too.
JOSH
You guys sound like my mother when I call, all she does is complain how I never call. I’ll try to keep everybody straight, I should’ve made little symbols, a picture of the sun – ear of corn – cloud blowing out its cheeks, and for hydrogen, a …
ANDERS
The Hindenburg?
TYMINSKI
Hydrogen didn’t cause the Hindenburg fire, it was the aluminum powder coating.
JOSH
Really?
TYMINSKI
Yeah, stuff’s used as rocket fuel.
McKENNA
But hydrogen is extremely flammable.
TYMINSKI
So’s gasoline.
JOSH
Okay -
ANDERS
Did she say flammable, she meant combustible.
JOSH
Guys -
TYMINSKI
Hydrogen burns with a colorless flame, the Hindenburg burned red.
ANDERS
Where’s your humanity?
JOSH
Okay, then!
The room falls silent as someone clears their throat.
CUT TO: INT. - PRESS BRIEFING ROOM – DAY
ANNABETH leads TOBY into the briefing room.
ANNABETH
This is your room. You’re not venturing onto their turf, they’re treading onto yours.
TOBY looks around, skeptical.
ANNABETH
You have to own it.
TOBY
You didn’t really just say, own it.
ANNABETH
I’ll show you what you look like up here.
ANNABETH goes behind the podium. She disappears behind it.
TOBY
Thanks, helpful. Smart and funny.
ANNABETH
Come here, come here. You try it.
ANNABETH steps out from behind the podium and takes a seat in the front row. TOBY slowly walks behind the podium and stands there, uncertain.
ANNABETH (whispering)
Good afternoon.
TOBY (glumly)
Good afternoon.
ANNABETH (whispering)
I’ll take your questions.
TOBY
I’ll take your questions.
ANNABETH (rising and going to TOBY)
Okay, you look like you loathe this, like you can’t wait to get out the door.
TOBY
I wonder why.
ANNABETH
You’re literally hunching over, you need to lean back -
ANNABETH reaches over to rearrange TOBY’s stance.
ANNABETH
- not too much, you don’t wanna look hostile and pugnacious -
TOBY
I don’t?
ANNABETH
Relax your hands … look up, look up … okay, now – how’s that feel?
TOBY
Like a poodle in a dog show.
ANNABETH
Let’s try it again.
ANNABETH goes back to her seat.
ANNABETH
This time, with more confidence.
TOBY takes a breath and speaks with more volume and emphasis.
TOBY
Good afternoon.
TOBY clears his throat.
TOBY
I can’t do this!
TOBY walks out of the room. ANNABETH collapses into her seat.
CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM – DAY
The energy summit continues as JOSH listens to ANDERS speak. We can see little placards in front of each representative, with the pictures JOSH spoke about earlier.
ANDERS
Solar energy is very simply the answer. It’s clean, it’s accessible, and we’re not running out of it anytime soon.
JOSH
And when we do, we’ll be having bigger problems.
ANDERS
We could replace all the fossil fuels we’re burning today simply by covering 220,000 square kilometers with solar cells.
JOSH
Isn’t that a lot?
ANDERS
Piece of land 300 miles on each side.
JOSH
Yeah, see - it’s kind of a lot.
ANDERS
This’ll give you an idea of what we’re talking about …
ANDERS refers to a stand-up map of the United States, labeled AVERAGE DAILY SOLAR RADIATION. An associate places a square sticker on the map that covers most of Utah and large parts of Nevada and Arizona.
JOSH
That’s huge!
ANDERS
Drive it. It’s 300 days of sunshine and nothing there.
SHEETS
That covers Las Vegas.
ANDERS
Appropriately, the most wasteful energy abuser on the planet.
TYMINSKI
Your cells’ll look attractive covering the, uh, Grand Canyon.
ANDERS
You adjust this, obviously. Finding square footage in the desert West will not be the problem.
JOSH
What will?
McKENNA
Manufacturing that many solar cells.
ANDERS
We’d have to pick up the pace some.
TYMINSKI
Yeah, you might say – since all the solar cells ever made up to this point would barely cover ten square kilometers.
JOSH
So, just … 219,990 to go.
CUT TO: INT. - TOBY’S OFFICE – DAY
CHARLIE is offering his resume to TOBY.
CHARLIE
I don’t want to leave the President. And I just don’t think the time is right. So if I could leave you my resume, then have you ignore it …
TOBY
Got it.
TOBY takes the resume from CHARLIE and immediately rips it in half. CHARLIE looks at TOBY reproachfully; TOBY looks back evenly. CHARLIE walks out of the office, giving one last look over his shoulder as he exits.
CUT TO: INT. - LEO’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY
There is a knock at the door. LEO’s nurse, MS. CHAKRABARTY, opens it, finding CJ standing there.
CJ
CJ Cregg?
CHAKRABARTY
Please.
CJ enters, carrying a large paper sack.
CJ
Hey, you!
CJ walks up to LEO, who smiles broadly as they hug.
LEO
Are you a sight for sore eyes! And sore legs, sore chest -
CJ
You’re having a lot of pain?
LEO
The Vicodin helps. Whatcha got?
CJ
Takeout from Terrazzo. The, arugula -
LEO
Ooh, with the pecorino and walnuts …
CJ and LEO head to a table as CJ starts to empty the paper sack.
CJ
And gnocchi, supposed to be very g-nice.
LEO
So much trouble.
CJ
Only you were worth it.
LEO
I don’t have much appetite.
CJ
Oh.
CHAKRABARTY
He needs to eat.
LEO
I’ll eat, when I’m hungry. Put it in the fridge.
CJ
I’m actually not that -
LEO
Oh, don’t be silly, go ahead. I can enjoy it as a spectator sport.
CJ
You sure it won’t bother you?
LEO
It’ll be great. Voyeuristic …
CJ
That sounds like the Vicodin talking.
LEO
Has its compensations.
CJ and LEO chuckle as CJ prepares to eat.
LEO
So, how’s it going?
CJ
It’s overwhelming. The amount there is to tend to, I, I thought I was busy before … how in the world did you manage it for seven years?
LEO
I had a heart attack.
CJ chuckles.
LEO
You remind the President about playing chess?
CJ
He pretty much blew me off.
LEO
You need to insist.
CJ
I obviously don’t know the President as well as you, but already I can tell when something’s a no-go.
LEO
You have to insist.
There’s a pause as CJ looks at LEO.
LEO
The President gets regular physicals – and because of the MS rather more regular MRIs and neurophysical tests – but MS is a disease of the central nervous system. It can affect cognition, perception, reasoning, judgment … what the doctors actually term, executive function. As President of the United States this needs to be monitored on a weekly basis. You need to get the President to play chess.
CJ continues to look at LEO.
LEO
Finish your lunch.
FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE.
* * *
ACT FOUR
FADE IN: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM – DAY
The alternative energy summit continues. JOSH is rubbing his eyes as SHEETS gives the ethanol presentation.
SHEETS
And so … it burns clean – and most important, ethanol is made right here in the US of A.
TYMINSKI
And it’s already subsidized up the ying-yang by the US of A government, how much more funding do you people want?
JOSH
Hang on – some claim it’s not all that clean.
SHEETS
The EPA has certified it reduces carbon dioxide and hydrocarbon tailpipe emissions by up to 30 percent -
ANDERS
And releases more nitrogen oxide and makes the entire fuel mixture evaporate easier than pure gasoline, causing more smog -
McKENNA
It’s climate dependent. Helps in cold weather, hurts in hot.
TYMINSKI
It consumes more fossil fuels to make than it replaces.
SHEETS
We dispute that.
JOSH
It only replaces 10 percent of gasoline. So at best, it’s a stopgap.
SHEETS
It’s practical now. Not pie-in-the-sky like some people’s solutions.
ANDERS
Let’s be honest. All of us sitting here know exactly what the biggest thing is that ethanol has in its favor.
JOSH
The Iowa caucuses.
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY
CJ is at her desk. MARGARET and ADDISON are at the door, ADDISON holding a large sample book.
MARGARET
CJ? Gail’s back, with a quick question?
CJ
Yes?
ADDISON
I know you said you weren’t necessarily prepared to consider redecoration schemes, but I took the liberty of pulling some pictures of our inventory. It’s just so dark and, and masculine in here, and, and martial. Do you feel that it’s just militaristic, and martial, and male?
CJ
You said a quick question?
ADDISON
Oh, sorry. (passing a sample to CJ) This was Dolley Madison’s desk. You know, most people think she spelled her name “LLY,” but in actuality it was “LLEY.”
MARGARET
Perhaps, we should -
ADDISON
But it’s lovely and feminine.
CJ
Dolley with an “E” Madison was maybe five three?
ADDISON
Yes.
CJ smiles wryly, then stands up.
ADDISON
Of course.
ADDISON takes her sample book and leaves as CJ sits back down.
CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY
ANNABETH and TOBY are heading for the press briefing room.
ANNABETH
Briefing time!
TOBY
I know.
ANNABETH
Don’t say a word – but that tie’s gonna bleed.
TOBY
Keep it up and it’ll have company.
ANNABETH
And don’t look at them with veiled contempt.
TOBY
I don’t.
ANNABETH
Right. It’s not veiled. Charm, and disarm.
ANNABETH leads TOBY into the press briefing room. He slowly makes his way to the podium, the reporters gathered before him.
TOBY
Good afternoon.
ALL
Good afternoon.
TOBY
I’ll take your questions.
STEVE
What’s your response to criticism of the administration’s lukewarm support for higher CAFE standards, as reflected in today’s defeat in the House?
TOBY
Well, what today’s vote reflected -
TOBY leans on the podium. ANNABETH clears her throat to catch his attention. He stands up straighter.
TOBY
- between anti-regulatory Republicans and auto-state Democrats we were outgunned. (pause) As far as our lukewarm support, I’d characterize it as more of a parboil myself.
The reporters chuckle. TOBY has a small smile.
TOBY
White House commitment to fuel conservation can more readily be measured by the alternative energy task force meeting currently in progress.
KATIE
Isn’t this hastily convened task force just an attempt to counteract the symbolism of a White House senior staffer totaling a hybrid while driving one of the most fuel-inefficient passenger vehicles sold in the world?
TOBY
Questions as to symbolism and the relative meanings thereof are the purview of the Department of Metaphor -
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY
TOBY’s press conference is seen on a TV screen, with CJ watching.
TOBY (on TV)
- I refer you to the Undersecretary for Whimsy and Caprice for further comment.
CJ has a skeptical smile as we hear the reporters laugh.
MARK (on TV)
But, really, this alternative energy summit’s not -
We cut back to the press briefing room.
MARK
- gonna fool anyone.
TOBY
Good. Then maybe we can stop thinking of it as something intended to fool people and start thinking of it as, a way to maybe get something done. Fuel conservation is a critical issue, we were outgunned today in Congress but not outflanked.
ANNABETH smiles approvingly as the reporters shout more questions.
CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM – DAY
Back to the alternative energy summit. JOSH is looking at a small model of a hydrogen powered vehicle.
JOSH
So what are the obstacles to using hydrogen as a replacement fuel?
TYMINSKI
Distribution. Uh, to transport and then dispense it, you’d have to liquefy it.
JOSH
Is that an issue?
TYMINSKI
You just need to freeze it, and then open it.
SHEETS
At enormous pressure.
JOSH
I don’t understand, what’s the problem?
TYMINSKI
When you do that, it can -
McKENNA
Have a tendency to explode.
ANDERS
Like the Hindenburg.
JOSH carefully puts the vehicle model down.
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY
CHARLIE is continuing his tour through the West Wing handing out resumes.
CHARLIE
So you could just file it, or toss it, or -
CJ
The President wants you to quit.
CHARLIE
But like I said, I don’t actually -
CJ
You promised him once you graduated, you would.
CHARLIE
It was more of an implied understanding.
CJ
Yes or no, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Yes. I guess.
CJ (looking at the resume)
It’s a dilemma.
CHARLIE
No, all you have to do is -
CJ
Charlie, what’s my job?
CHARLIE
Excuse me?
CJ
My job. It’s to serve the President. It seems to me the President has expressed a clear wish.
CHARLIE
I don’t -
CJ
If he’d handed me your resume, do you imagine I could ignore it?
CHARLIE
Maybe I should just take this back.
CHARLIE takes the resume from CJ and starts out of the office.
CJ
Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have come in here with that … Deputy Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff …
CHARLIE
Sorry?
CJ
Your new title. (pause) Come work for me.
CHARLIE (perplexed)
What?
CJ
You’re smart, responsible, you know the President, why wouldn’t I hire you? The title’s a little gaudy, but it mostly means you’ll do whatever’s needed to be done, a catchall; but grown-up, policy stuff.
CHARLIE
You’re serious.
CJ
You’d be a stone’s throw from the Oval. The President can’t miss you if you haven’t really gone.
A smile grows across CHARLIE’s face.
CHARLIE
I don’t know what to say. Can I think it over?
CJ (smiling)
Not really.
CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY
ANNABETH and TOBY are leaving the press briefing room.
ANNABETH
That was -
TOBY
Absolute misery.
ANNABETH
What?
TOBY
Lean forward, but not too far, but don’t lean back; oh, my bleeding tie’s distracting from my fuzzy beard, be smart, be funny, look pleasant … I’ve never been more self-conscious in my life. I don’t want to be good at this.
ANNABETH
Don’t worry – it was better. Good’s still a ways off.
TOBY stops in a doorway as ANNABETH keeps walking.
ANNABETH (over her shoulder)
You’re welcome.
CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM – DAY
McKENNA is giving the wind power presentation at the energy summit.
McKENNA
Wind turbines in California produce enough kilowatt-hours of electricity to light San Francisco, saving the state the equivalent of well over ten million barrels of oil.
JOSH
Uh, wind provides 1.27 percent of California’s electricity?
McKENNA
From 13,000 turbines.
JOSH
So in order to get all of its energy from wind, California would have to build -
TYMINSKI
Only one million more, and oh, by the way, they’re an eyesore and no one wants them.
ANDERS
What happens when the wind doesn’t blow?
McKENNA
Gee, I don’t know, what happens when the sun isn’t shining?
JOSH
This really isn’t helpful -
McKENNA
Wind is clean. Increasingly competitive. The fastest growing energy technology in the world. The Bartlet administration could restore US leadership in wind power.
TYMINSKI
I can see the slogan now: “Breaking Wind Together.”
JOSH looks frustrated as a couple of the panelists chuckle.
CUT TO: EXT. - WHITE HOUSE PORTICO – NIGHT
ZOEY walks down the Portico, joining CHARLIE who is standing there waiting for her.
ZOEY
Hey.
CHARLIE
I only have a minute.
ZOEY
What’d you want to tell me?
CHARLIE
I got a interesting offer – that you’re pretty much responsible for.
ZOEY
What?
CHARLIE
In appreciation … I’d like to tell you about it over dinner.
ZOEY
Are you – asking me on a date?
CHARLIE
A thank-you dinner.
ZOEY
That’s a date.
CHARLIE
So far it isn’t anything. You haven’t said that you’ll go.
ZOEY (takes a moment)
Sure.
ZOEY walks away as CHARLIE smiles.
CUT TO: INT. - WHITE HOUSE FOYER – NIGHT
JOSH and TOBY are walking in the hall.
TOBY
So?
JOSH
What?
TOBY
What are we announcing?
JOSH
We don’t know yet.
TOBY
CJ wants an announcement.
JOSH
Yeah, tell her that that’s not happening.
TOBY
Nice try.
JOSH
What?
TOBY
She’s pissed at you, you tell her.
JOSH
She wasn’t pissed. Nettled, maybe.
TOBY
Whatever, you’re telling her. Really, nothing came out of it?
JOSH
Wind power, turns out the churn from the turbines changes the weather on the ground.
TOBY
Probably not ideal from an environmental standpoint.
JOSH
Three hours of stuff like that.
TOBY
That you’re telling her.
TOBY walks away.
JOSH
Yeah.
CUT TO: INT. - MURAL ROOM – NIGHT
KATE is saying goodbye to a group of Chinese officials, speaking Chinese as they exit. She sits and looks at a folder. DONNA appears, on her crutches.
DONNA
I’m not ready.
There is a moment as KATE looks up at her.
DONNA
I have spoken to experts and they told me what to look for and I don’t have to look very hard. I do get angry over everything, cry over nothing, right down the list. Rejecting offers of help, that’s on there, too. (beat) I’m sure talking to you would be helpful. Actually, I’m … I’m not sure of that. I’m not sure of much of anything – except that I’m not ready.
KATE
I understand.
DONNA
Okay.
There is a pause as several emotions cross DONNA’s face. She turns to go.
CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – NIGHT
JOSH comes in the door, knocking.
JOSH
Hey.
CJ
How was your energy meeting?
JOSH
It was pretty Darwinian. They’re so great at knocking each other’s technology, it makes you want to run out and buy stock in Chevron.
CJ
They know we can’t fund everything.
JOSH
I don’t know what we can announce, other than the world’s running out of oil, and in 20 years we’re all gonna starve to death – you know, those that haven’t already been wiped out in an energy war with China, because the fuel alternatives are even less ready than you thought.
BARTLET has appeared in the doorway behind JOSH, listening.
CJ
Yeah.
BARTLET
It’s all economics.
JOSH
Mr. President.
CJ (rising)
Sir.
BARTLET
Why do the Saudis fight to keep oil prices from rising?
JOSH
To discourage conservation.
CJ
And the development of alternative fuels?
BARTLET
And it works - ‘cause we let them. Economics.
CJ
So what do we do?
BARTLET
Veto the omnibus transportation bill.
CJ
Why?
BARTLET
To demand the higher CAFE standards.
CJ
Because Josh demolished a hybrid?
BARTLET
Because improving fuel economy deserves far more than a 20 minute debate.
CJ
Sir, there aren’t the votes to sustain, they’ll just override.
JOSH
It pushes the subject out there – jump-starts a national debate.
BARTLET
Hummer sales had their best month ever this year. And Prius is expanding its production 50 percent. The markets are doing what markets do, sorting itself out, messily, and with contradiction. Better fuel economy’s an idea that just has to reach its tipping point.
CJ
A veto maybe nudges it a little closer.
BARTLET (to JOSH)
And keep having those meetings. We wait til the alternatives are perfect, it’s all gonna be too late.
JOSH (rising to leave)
Thank you, Mr. President.
BARTLET (to CJ)
What was it you wanted?
CJ
Sir, if you’ll follow me …
CJ stands and leads BARTLET back into the Oval Office, where a man (ROGER QUAST) waits. There is a chess board on the table, set to begin a game.
QUAST
Mr. President.
CJ
Sir, this is Roger Quast from HUD. He was on the Stanford chess team, he’s here to play a game with you.
BARTLET
Roger, unfortunately you’ve been dragged here for nothing -
CJ
Sir? I’ve cleared your schedule for the hour, I spoke with Leo, you’re going to play chess, Mr. President.
BARTLET (to QUAST)
You heard the lady.
CJ turns to go back to her office.
BARTLET (to CJ)
Where do you think you’re going?
CJ
Sir?
BARTLET
You’re gonna play me.
CJ
Sir, I don’t really -
BARTLET
Stanford here is going to stay and help you. Sit down.
BARTLET and CJ move to the table.
BARTLET (to QUAST)
Chess team, huh?
QUAST
Yes, sir.
CJ
I’m just trying to imagine the cheer. “Check him to the left, check him to the right, stand up, sit down, shhh.”
BARTLET
I was on the chess team.
CJ
Right.
They sit, CJ and QUAST across from BARTLET.
CJ
I really have no clues -
BARTLET
He’s gonna help you. And I’ll know if you’re holding back, young man. You are hereby directed by presidential fiat to try your damndest to kick your Commander-in-Chief’s ass.
BARTLET and QUAST exchange a handshake.
QUAST (to CJ)
King’s pawn up two spaces.
CJ moves her piece, BARTLET responds with a move of his own.
DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
* * *
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The West Wing Transcript
Episode 6x5 – The Hubbert Peak
Original Airdate: November 7, 2004
